The Road to No Wear – Eight of the Biggest Fashion Turn-Offs
September 28, 2017
Fashion is a notoriously fickle mistress whose rules seem to change on an almost daily basis. But whatever your level of fashion-sense there are some crimes that are unforgivable – and here are eight of the worst.
1. Black undergarments, white over garments
Yep, there’s nothing that says ‘I got dressed in the dark this morning’ than a black bra that’s clearly visible through a white blouse. Same goes for the pants/skirt/trousers combo. If you suffer from an inability to separate white and black garments you’re in for plenty of heartache on washing day.
2. Socks with sandals
This doesn’t even look right on the old age pensioners who insist on modelling socks and sandals at the beach, so there’s absolutely no excuse for anyone else to make this most heinous of fashion faux-pas.
3. Eyebrows plucked to invisibility
There’s something just plain weird about a person with no eyebrows. Sure there’s a need to keep them under control if you’d otherwise look like Chewbacca but it is possible to take these things a little too far. And it’s disconcerting to go in for a passionate smooch and find that an eyebrow drawn in with a pencil has somehow transferred itself from their face to yours.
4. Orange fake tan/foundation
You may not know when you’ve been Tango’ed but everyone else does. Looking like a Satsuma might suit Katie Price because it ensures she’s a constant fixture in the tabloid newspapers, but on anyone else the luminous orange look is usually nothing short of ridiculous.
5. Muffin Tops and Moobs
There’s nothing wrong with having a few extra curves as opposed to being stick-thin, but in order to avoid a fashion turn-off it’s a good idea to dress accordingly. For blokes that means not wearing a tight gym vest over a beer belly. For ladies, that means not wearing a crop top that displays an oversized tummy. And for both it definitely means not forcing yourself into skinny jeans if it means that you end up looking like an overstuffed sofa.
6. Black shoes, black trousers, white socks
This is a great combo if you want your ankles to flash like strobe-lighting as you walk, but – come on – no-one has worn white socks with anything other than sports wear since they were at school. Have they?
7. Jeans worn below the bum
Sorry to have to break it to all you rad, gnarly and street guys who think it’s cool to give us a full-moon display of your Calvin Kleins, but exhaustive research (OK, I checked out a few fashion forums) conclusively proves that parading around with your jeans pulled up just above the knee so that your backside is on show is a major turn-off for girls. How the hell do you a) get the jeans to stay up and b) manage to walk at the same time, anyway?
This is not the 1980s. Therefore, clashing patterns, spandex leggings, multi-coloured hair, lace gloves and any other combination of clothing and accessories which makes you even slightly reminiscent of a modern-day version of Cyndi Lauper at the height of her fame (and this applies to men as well as women) is strictly forbidden.